Faery Grandmother Ancestors
Deep Shaman Initiations
The Ruby Quest of Aaron's Breastplate
Journey to the Center of the Milky Way
A Lenten Walk from before
this path i'm on now - the way i'm led, the weird way i am - is actually intensifying and deepening all the other paths i walk or have walked or are walking simultaneously in a quantum of all nature is one sacred being or something... really beyond words - which i know is not unusual for me... i just realized what else was occurring for me, which - once again - got me tossed from a seemingly open-minded Christian mentor... but this path... it is so much more, so much more...with no way to describe... and most certainly outside the paradigm even in the most edgiest of such belief systems..because it is heightening my experience in Pagan (all genres) and Indigenous Shaman (all genres) - it is filling those niches in me, as much as this version of Christianity i am following and surrendering to... continuing to underline the oneness of all spiritualities, with their uniquenesses, and now, as i deepen in this one, i am deepening in all others... it is truly powerful, and without words. i am ever so grateful for your friendship. 4-8
somewhere in the midst of Contemplation, when i was still enough, the world before me opened up some, like into a Grove, and in the midst of it, or towards the far end but straight away from me, a silver white glowing Stag appeared, looking at me... like in a Patronus light... and, as it is my Patronus and otherwise my Protector... i just sat there and stared quietly quietly at him, allowing the beingness of us to just be... don't know what will unfold, but i don't need to know... this is all for right now... as i dropped back into the experience, i watched as the platinum-glow Stag took a step towards me... and i jumped back, scared.He stopped. And waited until my breathing and heartrate were back to normal. He kind of motioned with his head, and this time, I invited him near. He responded like he wanted me to ride him - this person who really doesn't ride - but i managed to get up on him, and he gentled walked off back into the woods. We came to a freshwater stream, flowing fairly fast, edged by limestone boulders, and he indicated for me to get down. As i did, he set himself to drinking from the stream. i figured if he could, i could, so i did. Cold, clear, clean, delicious... and yes, very cold. Afterwards, he indicated for me to get on again, and i did. We walked up the edge of the stream, which finally led to a waterfall. The path led behind it, and i loved the mist of it on my face. On the other side, there was a hut, a small home of wood, and he indicated i was to go in there. As i opened the door, I recognized my Spirit Guide - She who has been with me (in my awareness) for the last couple of years or so. She also was glowing lightly. She offered me a soft chair and a cup of hot tea - done English with milk and sugar. As i sat there in the silence, and began to relax, She spoke to me: "I can feel your fear, you know. It's still very present. This experience brought up what had quieted like silt to the bottom of your inner pond." I was surprised to hear Her notice that. "Yes, you are still in a fearful place. Give yourself time. Time to heal and, as you say, get back to good. You will be on edge for quite a while. Your trust, that you have so courageously worked on healing, has taken a massive hit. It's ok to be scared. That's normal. You are not scared of all things. You would still give your life to save someone. You would still help a friend, or stranger. You would still hold the hand, listen to the story, of anyone who needed, and especially for a good friend. See? You are not afraid of everything. You would bravely hold to your faith, as you have shown. So, don't be so down on yourself. You're just a normal person having a bad time right now. But you have friends, and you will mend and survive and quest more. Normal. You are normal. It's normal to be afraid sometimes. So, go ride the Stag home. I'll be right with you. and he will protect you. So, it's all good." I had finished my tea, so i set the cup down, thanked Her, and left. I climbed onto the Stag and he trotted on back to the Grove. As i held onto him, i said, "You feel as if you're..." "Real?" he replied. "I am real...but we are not quite in the same dimension, yet, so you just see the bright glow instead. Well, here we are...until we meet again, i will protect you as i can." And i found myself back at the edge of the Grove, and came back to my prayer space, in a much calmer frame of mind. 4-7-2016
Priestess stands in the sanctuary
Coyote lies by the altar
Peregrine rests on the railing
Druid reads from the psalter;
Breath of Mystery touches me
Phoenix ignites the Blessing
Mary sings the Magnificat
Christ Jesus comes manifesting.
i was listening to Martin Prechtel (a Toltec Shaman originally from New Mexico and author of Secrets of the Talking Jaguar)... anyway, i was listening to him on youtube just at the beginning of a talk, and he said a prayer in Mayan... and i knew i couldn't understand it... so i let it flow over me, to see if i could inhale it, or drink it, or somehow take it in, in a way i might understand... what happened was, being the Visual that i am, first i am seeing rain... a very steady rain, almost like a veil, like a waterfall veil, but it was rain... and it was in a rainforest (duh, i know), but anyway, i'm just breathing this all in - the rain is not on me; it is before me...and then out of the rain, comes this black panther or black jaguar, walking on a huge branch, which i am sitting on, heading right for me... and i know i have this choice about how i am going to respond to this predator's presence... and i also know there is no physical way for me to even outmaneuver it, so then i just take a deep breath, let go fear and resistance, and as it is right almost face to face with me with its mouth open and big teeth, i surrender to its power... i kind of just say 'ok; you are the Sacred; here am i'... and suddenly, it is no longer a black jaguar, but a man wearing a jaguar pelt, with all of it, head included... like a shaman... and he is sitting cross-legged now on the branch, sipping a kind of tea from a handleless cup of sorts... i can see the steam rising from it... then he smiles at me and offers me some...
and then the Mayan prayer ends and i am back here...
A Wildness of honey...
a raging River of sparkling rapids
chanting under a full Moon;
the power of Stag
standing in Stillness upon the hill,
beholden to none
but Gods and Goddesses - unseen, unheard;
a Call of Chaos and Mystery...
reaching from deep within the Tor,
bursting upwards to touch the Sky
and scatter the Stars;
a Celtic knot of Light and Dark,
woven of Wisdom bought dear and deep -
these I see when touching your Words.
Out of the mists, She steps -
White horse of Myth and Mystery -
taking my very breath,
and nodding Her head at me:
"Come, ride the Veil this day,
'tween heartlight and shadowsoul...
Come, ride this Unknown Way
of sparkly bright and darkly old.
Here, taste the ancient brew
that gives the tongue forgotten lore;
here, feel what breathes you through,
and changes what you were before.
To this, you have been drawn,
though - true it is - not so unknown,
just that you wandered on...
and have forgotten of your Own.
So, come, let's ride the Veil -
awaken now your white Wolf star...
let courage and trust deep prevail,
and you will learn your truth, thus far."
a very peculiar thing happened, also, yesterday. i was drawn to a particular door by very sparkling magical energy pulsing from it. as it was in a friend's home, i asked permission to open the door, which was given, but when i opened it... nothing. i shut it and backed away, and again the energy returned, and again i carefully walked to the door and opened it... just a regular den...nothing. so, i set it to pondering on a back burner while i was doing other friend-type interactions... today, what has coalesced in my mind, is that it seems to be a gateway that COULD open to another dimension or world or time-space warp, wrinkle, wyrmhole... there's a riddle in this... and it is a fascinating diversion, while i process other experiences and try to get back to 'good'.
The sun will rise ere morning blooms,
yet, of my self, I ponder;
The threads of fate weave from the Loom,
and will not pause or wander...
The moon will fill her silver bowl,
without my word or worry...
What comes will come, and touch my soul -
I pray Thee, though - don't hurry.
In the deep Grove, I wander...
breathing quiet, walking gently on grass;
and She appears, like a glowing apparition,
in Moonlit veils, wove of silver and glass...
"Do you know why I call you, Priestess?"
Her voice sounds like owl wings in the dark -
She waits for my pondered reply,
and the calming of my racing heart;
"No, my Lady, I haven't a clue...
but I am Yours to receive what you will."
And She walks to where I am standing,
and brings all my self to be still;
"Here there be Silence and Deepness,
upon which your Destiny's hung...
Here I shall gift you the Blessing
of speaking in Avalon's tongue."